So this was 2009 and I'm Pregnant second time round :) This was a hoot! we were so excited I was around 9 weeks when I started bleeding lightly and really thought nothing of it, until I made a visit to my midwife and being told to just 'wait' and 'see' turned into my worst nightmare, Yes, I was miscarrying! How could this be? Is there something wrong with me? why oh why? We were Devastated, but what an understatement!
I was told to wait for another full cycle before we were able to try again.... So U guessed it! we Did! and it was a success!
I was very very weary from day 1 so when the 5-6 week came round and I started getting a really sharp pain in my left side, I was instantly on alert aarrrgh! I was a stressful mess.
This could have meant 2 things, An Ectopic Pregancy or 'Nothing to worry about'.
We made another trip to hospital, but being only around 5-6 weeks it was going to be difficult to get a heart beat let alone a sighting with the sonographer with just your 'standard' ultrasound.
However, what they could do was take my bloods and see whether or not my BHL (Blood Hormone Level) was rising, as in doubling even. These had to take place every 2 days as it should double every 2 days , So those 2 days go by and Im straight on the EPAS (Early Pregnancy Assessment) by 8am.
Oh yeah I was keen as mustard to know....... GREAT NEWS your BHL is rising, not doubling but rising.... Okaaaay, So now what?
The Doctor, Whom I trusted with my life, pushed and poked my stomach again with that 'hmmm' face that makes it more intense, and my 'ouchy' Face. He insists we wait another 2 days for the BHL, as its "too early and very hard to tell unless we have those figures".
G-reat! So we meet again, The BHL has rised again but not doubled, He assured me that this can be normal, as long as its not decreasing we are happy!
To keep a close eye on me, as an Ectopic (possibly) can be dangerous they keep me in, I was really disappointed at this stage as I was put on maternity ward with other mothers that had just given birth and babies, babies EVERYWHERE ,Could this be anymore in my face!? It was quite the rollercoaster but I was blessed with 2 great Midwives whom I adored and will never forget, Whom made me feel welcome, Whom were oh so cautious of my feelings they were, true Gems!
The Doctor booked me in for an internal ultrasound! It will give a much closer look , even if they can just see a sack.
There I lay, Petrified not wanting to look, but really really wanting to look, and not wanting to listen then really really wanting to listen to even asking questions non- stop, I think its safe to say i was a wreck.. Just gimmie those damn results!!!
I'm laying there with a million thoughts racing through my over pumped brain, trying to block out the "hmmm's" and just repeating over and over in my head please please please please Only listening to this and the sound of the Sonographers keyboard.
Then Suddenly " ok GREAT news, If this doesnt make you smile then I dont know what will!"
" We found the sack!" Ready to listen to the hearbeat!" Baboom Baboom Baboom At a hundred miles an hour! SAY WHAT!!???? Wow this has made my DAY, my WEEK my MONTH my YEAR! 126 BPM .... "You have a healthy baby"!
So the pain in my left? Well upon doing the ultrasound they came across as cist that had bursted near my left ovary, but, Its fine I'm assured this is ok, it does its own thing and you'll be fine!
The whole pregnancy just flew by like a rocket.
It came time for my 19 weeker ultrasound and something, Just something came over me to want to find out my baby's sex, whether it was another security thing to reassure me this 'was' real I dont know. My partner was at work this day which was really a big thing to me, seeing as though he was there through out Lillian's and everyday with me at the hospital for this one, but my Mother, Whom had been there for me, also the whole time accompanied me for this.
Laying there again took me back to those awful first few weeks, I was scared and Nervous and Excited all at the same time, but, He assures me its 'all' good! EDD 5 June 2010.
I requested that when time came round pronouncing the sex I call my Partner, Who was also very nervous awaiting this phone call.
Todd's on loud speaker and I just couldnt wipe the smile off my face ... waiting... waiting ok "The cord is in the way, hang on just lay on your side for a moment"
" Oh hahaha now the legs are crossed" Hmmm "oh wait here we go, snap (photo on screen) "Congratulations guys its a BOY"! Todd was histerics "yeeeehaaaaa" he shouts out of the phone speaker ,the sonographer looks at me and laughs Todd was over moon "A boy? A boy really? 100 Percent"? Todd asks " 110 Percent" Says the sonographer, the sonographer showed me the sheer glimpse of the 'little thingy' haha yes, yes its a boy! I was beside my self, I have a healthy baby Boy! How awesome!
It came to be 33 weeks, I was having my usual check-up appointments with my lovely midwife, Jo, When we do the usual, and feel which way bubs head was, cheeky thing was breech.
This I hadnt really heard much of, so, Again I was alarmed and Jo assured me I shouldnt be alarmed as they can turn at any time and we would start 'talking' about it when I hit 36 weeks as its expected by then. We discussed a pamphlet explaining what it is and what can happen, Turning of the baby or delivering breech. I had a few decisions to make by my next appointment as this was when they needed to do something.
Again I went home worried worried worried and those questions circling my head again 'why me'? is there something wrong with my baby? arrrgh
My appointment fell on the 35 week mark and yes, bub was still Breech head near my ribs. Oh great.
But I knew this as everyday for the past 2 weeks since my last appointment I was feeling my stomach.
I had made my mind to have him 'turned'. Jo says just to wait until we are closer to the EDD.
We booked in to have him turned Tuesday 11.05.2010, then see how we go.
Mothers day came round 09.05.2010 and I enjoyed a fantastic lunch put on by Todd's Lovely Grandmother, Sue at her beautiful place! It was great, we had a great time sharing birth stories and discussing the 'breech' term and how worried I was.
Well 10.05.2010 It was 4 am I was having dull pains coming and going really painful, I ignored it but it was just too intense.
I hoped into the shower to take the edge off, Todd came into me "are you ok babe?"
"No" I say "I think this is it, its gotta be" its so intense Todd races to get the phone and insistes i call the hospital. I spoke to the midwife and she said to come in straigt away.
It was all so confusing again as, like my first pregnancy, I hadnt yet had a 'show' or broke my 'waters' but these were contractions, I was sure of it and to intensify it all they were only a couple of minutes apart. My whole family have had quick labours, so I was well aware i need to get my butt into gear.
We pack the car, pile in the car Lillians sleepy eyes and half a smile says "love you mummy" love you daddy" and away we go.
When we arrive around 5am there was a little confusion as I was booked into have my baby turned only the next day!? and this Hospital does not 'do' breech births.
we are rushed into a room all monitors hooked up, baby heartbeat, fine. meanwhile Im just blown away this couldn't be happening 4 weeks early???
Midwife does a quick diagnoses of my Dilation, "wow" she says "5 cm, this is it darlin" OH MY GOD all of a sudden im swarmed by doctors and surgeons ripping my nail polish off, reading me my rights, getting me ready for a Cesarean.
With in the 25 mins of rushing me up stairs for the Epidural in time I was soon put on the operating table and being told wow, that was lucky I had dilated to 9.5 cm ...close call.
Im numb everywhere, there are about 6 people on me curtains are up, bright lights everwhere and my partner, My best friend, Todd at my side the whole time I also had a Doctor on my other side keeping 'company' and explaining the 'scary' process.
It all went so fast to me, If felt like 15 minutes but I think we were actually there for a good hour or so, Bailey was put up over the curtain and we were able to give him a cuddle. He was rushed off somewhere, I was moved on to Recovery.
On the way down We went to visit my Baby in (to me) a scary sterile place, The Baby Nursery. Todd explained to me that he was a little purple when he came out, but this can also be normal with the C-section process AND he IS 4 weeks early.
It took me 2 hours or so in recovery for the Epidural to where off, then I was aloud to be put on ward.I arrive to my bed. Where is my baby?
All I imagined was like Lillian's birth, to be in my bed breastfeeding and cuddling my bundle.
Due to the Cesarean I was on strict bedrest, atleast until the next morning. I recovered fine a tiny scar and a little sore but feeling great!now, ... Where is my baby?
Well, to my horror I wasn't aloud to pick him up let alone breastfeed him, I walked into the nursery where I was shown he'd be staying until EDD, 4 weeks!!???? I bursted I was sooo upset It felt like punishment.
I felt so distant, I felt angry and weak.
The nurses there were a mixed bag some were good, some were ok, some were out right rude and VERY inconsiderate.
He was in their to monitor feeds and weight gain, nothing is wrong with him just standard 'premmie' procedure, but still I couldn't take it I was so down, everyday, Praying just to take him home I couldn't handle a month I really couldn't.
Other mothers in there were lovely and this was where I was everyday.
Seeing Some mothers Come and go was very hard It was also hard to see my Wonderful Partner,Todd and my oh so Precious Lillian Come and go, It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but even harder on Todd and Lillian to go home to an empty house, they made sure they spent every last minute up until visiting time was over even a little longer and bringing me some naughty 'Hungry Jacks'.
The hours felt like days, The days felt like weeks, basically the main aim was steady weight gain on full breast = Home. This felt like it would be a lifetime away at this rate, as my Bailey was still on tube feeds through his nose
It wasnt until midweek I was able to breast feed, In the mean time I had been expressing to get my supply coming in. I was happier alot happier, he 'took' to the breast with out a fuss and so this continued every 2nd feed. We were even able to bath him! woo hooo hehe
He started to feel like 'my' baby.
By thursday he was on full breast so I was up to him every 3 hours going to and fro the nursery to the ward. On this particular night around 9pm I was called over for his feed and to my surprise my favourite midwife was on, knowing it was going to be her and I all night, also knowing that tomorrow was going to be the big weigh in for us she came prepared, Lollies, chips, drinks and movies to get my mind off it , we even did a little sneak weigh in ...My week here just got a whole lot better I hadnt felt this relaxed and 'myself' in a while. So we did we started with an old western, I loved it we shared fantales and chiccos and I sipped on some lemonade this continued into all hours of the morning I had a ball, I couldnt wait to tell Todd what a great night I'd had.
The next morning being friday the Doctors were doing there rounds when at last it was our turn to weigh in ...Yahooooooo He had put on 200grams! even though I spent that night knowing and soooo excited.... but just to hear it officially, it had me jumping for joy! "ready to take this boy home?" he asks " you betchya!" with tears rolling down my face.
It was then when an evil midwife came over and insisted that he was not ready to be taken home due to his Jaundice!?? Excuse me? You're questioning this Doctors Opinion? okaaaaaay!
My heart falls to the ground and splats all over the place. It may have even came to a hault.
To our relief the Doctor stands by his Diagnoses, he's Pooing and weeing the right colour We can go home! Phhhewwww!
So we pack everything up I could barley zip the nappy bag my hands were still shaking.
Mum arrives relieved of our great news and we head home. Our very own son.
Her very own Brother.
This Boy will never outgrow our hearts..
And as they continue to grow our hearts do too...
We truley cherish our children...
With moments like these...
Cherish the little things, Afterall it's what life is all about. xxx